Influence is something that happens all the time, whether we realize it or not. You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room to be a leader. It’s about understanding how people respond to you and using that knowledge to guide them in a positive way. This is energetic leadership, not manipulation.
Here are six powerful ways to subtly influence the people around you:
People’s identities can change. We are all affected by how others see us. Our identity shapes how we act. If you want to change someone’s behavior, you need to change their identity.
For example, if you tell your child, “You are so kind and thoughtful,” they are more likely to act that way. But if you say, “You’re a troublemaker,” they might start to believe it and cause more problems.
Behavior follows identity. If you want your partner to be more masculine, praise their masculine qualities. Tell them, “You’re so generous,” or “I love how protective you are.” They will want to live up to that image.
Avoid saying negative things like, “You never help around the house.” This makes them less likely to help.
It works best when you see a small good quality in someone and help it grow. If your partner plans a nice date, say, “I love how thoughtful you are.” This encourages them to be more thoughtful in the future.
People become who you tell them they are. Use this power wisely.
People react to how they feel about themselves when they are around you. If you want to be influential, make people feel good.
The most influential people make others feel successful and capable. Focus on connecting with people and making them feel good. This is true influence.
When you walk into a room, there is always an unspoken energy. People tend to match that energy. But if you want to be a leader, you need to be the one who sets the tone.
If the energy is low, don’t match it. Be the one to change it. Speak up, crack a joke, or ask an interesting question.
The person who shifts the energy has power. You offer others a new energy to match. People will mimic you without even realizing it. If you are grounded and confident, others will relax.
Don’t follow the tone, set it.
There is always a little roleplay happening in relationships. You are teaching people how to act with you based on the role you play.
If you always play the helper, people will rely on you more. If you always play the student, people will give you advice, even if you don’t want it.
Relationships need balance. If you are always responsible, the other person will be more spontaneous. If you are always decisive, the other person might be more agreeable.
You can change your own role to create space for others to step into the role you want them to play. This can shift the whole dynamic.
The role you choose teaches people how to play theirs.
People respond more to your certainty than your logic. If you want to have influence, you need to be confident in what you say.
Confidence is persuasive. Certainty is magnetic. You don’t even need to be right. People just need to feel that you believe in it. Studies show that confident speakers are seen as more knowledgeable and trustworthy.
Certainty creates gravity. It pulls people in. Confident people get opportunities because they project a reality that others want to believe in.
Don’t be afraid to speak with certainty. People don’t just hear your words, they feel your energy.
Praise is a simple but often overlooked form of influence. People crave recognition. It is a human need.
Instead of criticizing, offer honest appreciation and sincere praise. People trust you more and repeat the behavior you praise.
For example, instead of saying, “Why are you always on your phone?” say, “I loved how present you were with me today.” Instead of “You never help around the house,” say, “I appreciate you taking out the trash.”
Point out what’s working instead of what’s not. This encourages them to do it again.
If you make someone feel ashamed, they’ll block you out. If you make someone feel good, they’ll let you in.
Subtle influence is about leading energetically and bringing out the best in others. By understanding these principles, you can become a more effective and impactful leader in all areas of your life.
Aveline Lux is a visionary writer and digital storyteller, using her blog on CitiWell Shop as a platform to explore the intersection of creativity, commerce, and culture.
Traveling extensively across continents, Aveline draws inspiration from different cultures and global trends, infusing her articles with unique perspectives and practical insights.
Aveline enjoys photography, hiking through nature trails, and curating playlists that fuel her creative process.
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